I’ve always had trouble being a bold person. Whenever I get to know someone, I tell them I’m shy and they go “No you’re not” because once I get to know someone, I’m very talkative. At first, I’m anything but – I have a hard time talking about things that aren’t directly in my line of interests, and am very much a small talk avoider. This plays into my lack of confidence I think: I feel like I have nothing interesting to say, so I just don’t say anything. Or rather, why would anyone want to pay me any attention? I’m not worth paying attention to.
Along those same lines, with the things I want to share, I have a hard time being up front about doing so. I write blogs but rarely share the posts, and rarely comment or seek out other blogs because who would want to read my stuff anyway? I sing and write music but I never ask for a collaboration because either the person will say no because I’m not worth the time of day or my music isn’t something I think is worth sharing. I suck at marketing, because I don’t think anything I do is worth it. I know none of this is true on the surface, but those darker thoughts always plague me and it’s an ongoing battle for me.
I’ve gone through so many phases of my life thinking something about myself isn’t worth sharing. I went back and forth about talking about being blind openly on the internet for years before actually doing so – I had known a group of friends for a year before actually telling them I was blind and they asked me “Why didn’t you tell me?” my answer was “I was afraid of what you’d think”. I’ve just always been that sort of person who has been more meek, but with what I’m about to talk about, I don’t want to be that way anymore.
I’m a Christian, and recently I’ve felt a pull to speak out more about my faith. I’ve been praying, and thinking of all of the different ways I can reach people with my different talents, but that’s not really what I wanted to talk about right now. It just always bothers me that people can openly bash a religion, specifically Christianity, but when a Christian stands up for their faith, the person who started bashing Christianity takes offense. It’s that sort of closed mindedness underneath the guise of open mindedness that always frustrates me, and is part of why I want to get bolder in speaking out about my faith. It doesn’t even have to be somewhere where a Christian thing is being discussed: I literally was in a chat room where online Yugioh duels were taking place, and after the duel someone just randomly started talking about Christianity in a not nice light. I know everyone isn’t a Christian, but is it just me or is it super random to just see that sort of thing thrown around about Christianity? If it were done towards any other religion people would have a cow over it, but for some reason doing it to Christians has recently gotten ok to a mass amount of secular people, and I’m honestly not willing to just meekly bow out of conversations about it anymore.
If someone decides to call Christianity out, I’m going to start being bold about it and replying back to them in turn. I don’t think it’s right for people to be insulting my beliefs as casually as I see it happening on the internet. I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe in God and the Bible, and I’m going to find ways to integrate that into my everyday life. I’ve been praying about being bolder, and serving God to my fullest potential, and am going to take so many strides to doing so from now on. God has given me so much, the least I can do is stand up openly for him and declare my faith in any way I can.
This blog has always been my personal lifestyle blog, and I’m going to start posting, along with my other posts, posts about my religious journey. It helps me to filter out my thoughts this way, and it’s a start to being bolder about my faith. If I don’t do this, I know I’ll always be afraid to be bold in any aspect of my life, and honestly I’m rather tired of that aspect of myself holding me back. It’s hard to fight through fear, but I’m going to do so and post this, and continue to post about my love for God and Jesus Christ wherever I can, because I feel it’s what I should be doing.
The posts this week have been rather heavy, I know, but these are the things that have been on my mind as of late. Blogging is really the best outlet for me to get my feelings out, and even just writing this on the word document I draft my posts out first is making me feel better and braver, so I’m honestly really excited to start writing more about Christianity and my beliefs, and being more open in general!
People will always be afraid to do something: I know this from personal experience. But it’s not the inability to be afraid you should be trying to master, but the ability to fight through your fears to do what you truly want to do that keeps us going as people. I’m going to fight through my fears of being judged by people, and be braver, and bolder in my life, and my faith!