Last weekend, I started a little mini-project. I have a lot of live performance videos floating around on YouTube, and I wanted to have them all in a centralized place. My manager handles uploading videos, and they had been uploading videos on their own channel, but after doing some research, and finding that having a centralized YouTube channel would help build my brand, and my views, I decided to take the plunge. No matter what type of video, how old or how new, I was going to upload them all onto one channel that would be easy to find (and that had the same name as my other career sites) and thus, Crystal Dennis Music was created. After a week of downloading, re-uploading, tagging and processing three videos a day (I have to pace myself or else I burn out) she liiiiives! Now I can give her over to my manager because uploading is harder work than I realized blerg.
During the process, I’d stop and listen to some of my older videos. One video, in particular that I’m thinking of, is an old interview I did in 2012: It was done in a park, had a lot of background noise and when looking at it now I was just like wow…should I even upload this? I was a little embarrassed to be honest – the quality of that video, compared to my newer ones from this year was not…the best. I almost didn’t put it up because I thought to myself “I have better stuff up here, not putting one video up is ok!”.
Upon closer inspection, I realized I was afraid. For some reason, in my mind, putting those older, not-as-good-videos on the channel was putting myself out there in a way I felt I wasn’t ready to. They were already up online, sure, had been for years but…putting it on a new, official channel? I was putting myself out there in a way I hadn’t before and it was something that for days, I wasn’t willing to do. In a way, perhaps, it was me admitting some sort of failure? A lack of success? I don’t even know, it’s kind of silly when I think about it now and I don’t know what I was afraid of. After the upload I realized something: Why would putting up old videos be some sort of admittance of failure? When I saw 2012 videos back to back with 2014/2015 videos, it made me proud. I was happy to see how far I’ve gotten, both with my singing, and with my confidence. I’m a lot more confident in my abilities now, and know for sure that what I’m doing is what I want to do, when a few years back I wanted to follow this career path, but had something holding me back from doing so. It’s nice to see my singing technique improved in 2015 videos, and seeing my stage presence slowly evolve into what it is today. And when it comes down to it: why wouldn’t other people want to see that, too?
This year I am focusing so much on getting out of my comfort zone, on putting myself out there. One factor of that equation is making sure you aren’t back-peddling into old habits, and I almost did here. It was scary, and hard to face, but after a few days I realized how hard it is to just grin and bare it and fight through the unpleasantness of something you don’t want to do. And you know what? Next time I have to fight through fear, it’ll be easier!
I’m glad I finished this little project before my big move. Now, when I get to my new place, I’ll be able to focus on other projects I have in the works. Next time I talk to you guys, I’ll be at my new home! So excited 😄 can’t wait to talk to you all at the start of my new life adventure!