I went to record some video today for a collab quickly because my computer cord is starting to do a weird finicky thing where it has to be positioned a certain way to be charging. Because of that, I’ve been keeping it plugged in at all times because last time that happened, my cord died and I was without a computer for a few months. I’m prepared this time, though! Already backed everything up, and getting anything due to people done asap so I can not worry too much if the cord does die before the new one I ordered comes in. It’s not being super intense with its amount of plugging in and out, like it stays plugged in and charging well but sometimes it does go in and out, in and out, so I’m taking extra precautions. At the same time, I’m not sure if it’s just wiggling out slightly because sometimes when I position it and then move it around it just stays fine, but like I said better safe than sorry. It happened to me once, I won’t’ be caught unawares again! I’ve only had this computer for about three years, and am not sure of the lifespan of new computers but I feel like this one is getting a little worn out with all I do on it with such little ram. But only thing I’ve ever needed to do is replace the cord, so I’m assuming what’s happening is a cord issue again (it’s a ten dollar off brand cord so I’m guessing it’s life span isn’t as long as the Acer cord that died end of last year). I’d like to get the Acer brand cord for this computer, but navigating the site is so freaking confusing I sort of gave up lol.
Because of that, I sort of didn’t really care about my appearance in the video. I mean, I made sure I didn’t’ look hideous or anything, but I didn’t wear makeup at all. I’m still a little self-conscious about doing something like that, so when my Mom went in and positioned my camera to record, I asked her if I look fine without makeup. Specifically I asked, “Do I need concealer?”
She went “Well yeah, you know you have dark circles under your eyes. But you either put on concealer, or you don’t care about it”.
and that statement super hit me in a way it hasn’t.
Because I’m always so obsessed with how a video looks, how I look, how my music sounds, how interesting my videos are, that something as simple as “Yeah, whatever, I’m comfortable looking like this in this video” has never hit me. I know she didn’t mean it like that and was just stating a fact, but hearing it and going “Yeah, she’s right! If I want to hide that part of my face then do it. But if you’re not going to, then also don’t’ sweat over it because it’s just a part of your facial features and people can deal with it because this is how I want to record my video”.
It was a weird moment, and possibly not the best choice for a collab video, but honestly it felt good to just make that decision and go with it. I finished the video with only lip gloss on, and got it to my collaborator. And just doing that honestly made me not stress about the video quality, because it was just me sitting there and being chill. I’m debating vlogging, and knowing that I’m alright with doing something like that now makes me feel like I’d be more comfortable vlogging, as well. Because I never mind when I’m recording video, but the preparation for recording said video, putting on a face of makeup and all of that is what always makes me second guess recording. But now, I’m realizing something I realized a long time ago with my music: Do whatever you want, own your decision, and roll with it! It’s so weird to be relearning these things, but at the same time I’m learning it in a different way so it sticks more. Being less self-conscious is an eternal struggle for me, so realizing that with such a small statement from my Mom was a big eye opener.
I’ve been tossing around the idea of vlogging with my brother, but haven’t really figured out what I’d vlog about. Would I post it on the same channel as my music? Would that be a problem? Maybe make a second channel? Plus when I sit down and talk in front of a camera, it’s always so awkward for me haha. I’m fine with podcasting, but for some reason on camera I’m like ugh this suuuucks. So if you have any ideas, or tips on vlogging, post them in the comments!