Putting Yourself Out There

Last weekend, I started a little mini-project. I have a lot of live performance videos floating around on YouTube, and I wanted to have them all in a centralized place. My manager handles uploading videos, and they had been uploading videos on their own channel, but after doing some research, and finding that having a centralized YouTube channel would help build my brand, and my views, I decided to take the plunge. No matter what type of video, how old or how new, I was going to upload them all onto one channel that would be easy to find (and that had the same name as my other career sites) and thus, Crystal Dennis Music was created. After a week of downloading, re-uploading, tagging and processing three videos a day (I have to pace myself or else I burn out) she liiiiives! Now I can give her over to my manager because uploading is harder work than I realized blerg.

During the process, I’d stop and listen to some of my older videos. One video, in particular that I’m thinking of, is an old interview I did in 2012: It was done in a park, had a lot of background noise and when looking at it now I was just like wow…should I even upload this? I was a little embarrassed to be honest – the quality of that video, compared to my newer ones from this year was not…the best. I almost didn’t put it up because I thought to myself “I have better stuff up here, not putting one video up is ok!”.

Upon closer inspection, I realized I was afraid. For some reason, in my mind, putting those older, not-as-good-videos on the channel was putting myself out there in a way I felt I wasn’t ready to. They were already up online, sure, had been for years but…putting it on a new, official channel? I was putting myself out there in a way I hadn’t before and it was something that for days, I wasn’t willing to do. In a way, perhaps, it was me admitting some sort of failure? A lack of success? I don’t even know, it’s kind of silly when I think about it now and I don’t know what I was afraid of. After the upload I realized something: Why would putting up old videos be some sort of admittance of failure? When I saw 2012 videos back to back with 2014/2015 videos, it made me proud. I was happy to see how far I’ve gotten, both with my singing, and with my confidence. I’m a lot more confident in my abilities now, and know for sure that what I’m doing is what I want to do, when a few years back I wanted to follow this career path, but had something holding me back from doing so. It’s nice to see my singing technique improved in 2015 videos, and seeing my stage presence slowly evolve into what it is today. And when it comes down to it: why wouldn’t other people want to see that, too?

This year I am focusing so much on getting out of my comfort zone, on putting myself out there. One factor of that equation is making sure you aren’t back-peddling into old habits, and I almost did here. It was scary, and hard to face, but after a few days I realized how hard it is to just grin and bare it and fight through the unpleasantness of something you don’t want to do. And you know what? Next time I have to fight through fear, it’ll be easier!

I’m glad I finished this little project before my big move. Now, when I get to my new place, I’ll be able to focus on other projects I have in the works. Next time I talk to you guys, I’ll be at my new home! So excited XD can’t wait to talk to you all at the start of my new life adventure!

New Adventures, Ahoy!

Have you ever gotten to a point in life where you have so many aspirations, so many plans for yourself that your current situation just aren’t fulfilling? Where in order to do what you really want, sacrifices have to be made whether they be financial, or by thinking outside the box. That’s me, and my family right now. We had an apartment fire in January and it’s been a struggle getting back on our feet ever since. We’ve been over paying, and staying in a hotel for five months and it’s been a struggle that’s taken a toll on all of us. So…we all decided to think outside the box and move somewhere we wouldn’t normally think of moving. Honestly? I’m excited! It’s a beautiful house on the beach and the rent is what we were looking for – we’ll be able to save while we’re there, while simultaneously save money and build our businesses – which I plan to do! I’m really anxious to get there and start working on all of my crafting, my internet businesses, and overall build our brand as a family. I’m holding out on where the location will be for now, because I have plans to vlog about the experience so I have a little journal chronicling the journey.

I have so many things I want to do there I have to write it down haha. Like, I feel like the opportunities are endless, just moving to this new area and all we have to do is be creative and push forward. It’s going to be such a fun adventure living in an area I never have before!

Things I plan to do:
Take advantage of living so close to the beach – actually walk (gasp) and go out more.
Figure out the terrain – get my Mom to show me around, then shadow me so I don’t feel so nervous about going around the general area. A fear I always have I have never fought through.
At least try some crafts I have wanted to do – sewing, cooking/baking, maybe soap or lotion making? Seems so scattered but I need to get all of this out of my system!
Start recording again W00T!! I’ll have my own room, and not only that, but I’ll have a room that does not house the only bathroom, so I’ll have full on privacy when I want to record lines and songs and aaaah I’ll have my own solitary recording space again EEE!
Just soak in the atmosphere – there’s horseback riding nearby I really, really want to do (I used to ride as a kid and stopped, have always wanted to pick it up again)

Aaaand I think that’s it…for now XD we’ll see when I actually get there. But yeah couldn’t be more excited for this week to be over, and for us to be in our new place!

New adventures, ahoy!

Chainmail Chronicles: First Finished piece and wrap up

Above is a picture of my first finished chainmail project – six copper chainmail rings dangling down in a straight line, with a small, turquoise bead at the top and bottom of the chains. I decided to go with a pair of earrings, because I didn’t want to have to attempt to connect the two pieces of chain that had fallen apart the night before. I also wanted to just have a completed piece, so I could move onto something else and have my first completed chainmail piece under my belt. Overall, I like how it turned out! I was winging it with the earring design, and had to tweek it a bit here and there. After showing my Mom the earrings, she suggested to add another turquoise bead at the bottom of the chain to make the piece look complete, and I liked it. Before, it looked like this:

The earrings, with a bead only on the top of the chain

It was nice, but definitely was missing something so I’m glad I showed it to her for some input. Also was debating fixing the longer loop and ultimately decided to – it was scary for me to tinker with it because I was afraid I’d ruin the chain by cutting off the bead dangle, so instead opted to open the loop a little and slide the dangle off the ear wire. After I was done, it had a more professional finish.

There were some troubles along the way assembling this thing! I’ve never been a fan of making earrings because I hate having to thread the small pieces onto the ear wire and close them and possibly distort the piece (like by having one bead dangle longer than the other which happens to me a lot) but with the jump rings, it was a lot easier to thread the chain onto the ear wire. When I put the head pin with the bead dangle on there came the hard part. I really need to get a ruler or something so I can measure lengths and have consistent loops. The first earring was easy, but the second one I had to use three headpins before getting it to stick at the length I want it to. When I threaded everything onto one ear wire, it kept on falling off and I was freaking out that my jump rings weren’t closed all the way – but then the bead dangle fell off too, and at closer inspection the ear wire had been opened a bit, no clue how that even happened! It was majorly frustrating because the first headpin I had had both turquoise beads even and if I had noticed before I would have just fully closed the ear wire and been done instead of trying to re-adjust with a new headpin. Next time I’ll check every piece of the assemblage before jumping to conclusions, will probably make my life a lot easier in the long run!

It wasn’t easy, by any means to make the adjustments to the earrings – I fought a lot with cutting headpins to the right size, trying to thread them on with itty bitty headpin pieces left, and then not having enough of the pin to close. It was soooo annoying! And I wound up opening the ear wire again, but then that gave me an idea! Instead of trying to open and close the headpins, why not just thread everything onto the ear wire while it’s open and then close that? So I did and it worked perfectly! I will probably be using that as my earring making technique from now on because it was soooo much easier . A jump ring was a little open, but I luckily could close it enough so the second turquoise dangle I added to the bottom stayed secure. And as another alternative method, I decided to try not snipping the head pin until I made the loop, made sure it was closed and at the length I wanted, then cut off the excess. Worked like a charm and also will be another technique I adopt into my jewelry making arsenal!

And thus, ends my first Chainmail journey. It was very interesting to say the least, I think I learned a lot about being patient and staying persistent – the hardest thing about this whole experience was not giving up on a technique I’ve always wanted to learn, and I’m glad to say I stuck with it until the end of this small project. I also learned how to feel for the most part when a jump ring is closed, and how to keep my work from vanishing when I drop it. Also, to check all parts of the finished piece before going to fix it! XD

I was reading that the rhythm of chainmailing was very calming, and when I first started I was like “That article was cray this is so frustrating blarg!” but, when you get into the process and can do all steps of the technique well enough, it really is a nice way to get your mind off things and just zone into your work. Can’t wait to do more patterns with this technique and get better at it!

What will I do next? Why, practice chainmailing, of course! I still have a long way to go before being super special awesome at it, but I am happy to say my first chainmailing adventure has been brought to a close!

Chainmail Chronicles

I was sosososo excited! I just had to share EEEE like progress yay!

In an earlier post I spoke of my chainmailing woes. Well, that same night, I did my usual routine: going to bed a bit later and practicing for an hour. The nights before, I kept on losing my in progress piece while attaching a new jump ring. Like, it would go flying somewhere and I wasn’t even going to attempt finding it. It was late, and dark because well, I don’t need the lights on to practice lol. But last night, I not only didn’t lose my work, but made the longest piece to date, in the shortest amount of time!

Usually, it would take me an hour to an hour and a half to connect four links due to the learning curve. My sighted friend, and online tutorials, said it was easy to do, which is true, but there’s always that learning curve for a blind person in which you have to get a feel for the materials and the technique, fix what you’re doing wrong, try and absorb as much of the process to perfect etc etc. So my first few days was just doing that. But last night I had a major break through where everything just sort of clicked, and it was so exciting! I was opening jump rings and threading them onto each other like a boss, and within a half an hour I had a chain of eight jump rings, woohoo! When I went to add a few more, one in the middle of the chain wasn’t secured as much as I thought, so it broke in half, but still major progress. I put my beading board under my work (which should have been an obvious fix for dropping pieces so derp) and when the in progress chain fell, it fell onto the board, made a noise and was easy enough for me to find.

I am so happy! It really gives me the confidence to continue with the process, because I’m doing most of it right. I’m debating either continuing the current chain, using both pieces to make a pair of earrings, or trying to just link both pieces back together – I tried doing that last night and it was kind of…difficult. One piece is a bit longer than the other, so I am thinking of just continuing that piece and then working on the smaller piece later, we’ll see!

But yeah, I couldn’t be happier about this, you have no idea haha. There’s only up to go, or something like that! XD

I’ll be posting pictures fosho of my finished piece when I figure out what I want to do with what I’m working on, so stay tuned for that!

Jewelry Journey, Chainmail Woes!

I have had a love hate relationship with jewelry making. Aka, I bought giant clunky pliers to do all the work, they were hard to work with, and I have been doing designs on and off for a year and a half or so. I still keep up with the trends and snizzy, and had a specific type of jewelry I wanted to make from the getgo. So of course, when I couldn’t figure out how to make the jewelry I wanted to make, I went to just doing the basics: Stringing beads onto beading wire, crimping the ends, and tah-dah! Pretty pieces that I get to say “I made that, wee!”. And yes, you do get compliments on that sort of stuff, and people do give you the ‘Oh!’ face and are impressed you made what you’re wearing, but as a creative person that really wasn’t doing it for me. Sure it was pretty, and sure it used some of what I originally wanted to work with, but it wasn’t challenging at all. Eventually, I got bored and stopped designing anything.

I still, and would still, look at jewelry making tutorials online. Youtube is a tutorial gold mine, as are jewelry making sites and Beading magazines. Well, eventually, I stumbled upon wire work – and whoa! I loved the concept. Getting to manipulate something to create a pretty piece of jewelry, with your hands? I’m so there! I adore anything tactile to do (call it a side affect of the blindness lol) and when I can, I put my hands on anything I’m working on. No matter how much I research, I just have to take that final step when I’m excited for something and buy all the materials and work on it, hands on.

So I did!

Forty dollars of wire and jump rings later, I Was deep in the trenches of wire work. Was practicing wire weaving, attempting wire crochet with very little success, and eventually made enough bangles to be like “Hrmmm, what else can I do with this? I thought I could make my own designs with these techniques, how lame!”

Give up, number 2!

Once again, it wasn’t what I was looking for in terms of designing my own jewelry. I had gotten into the ball park of what I had wanted to do, which was good, but still wasn’t doing much for my creative itches with this craft. Back to the drawing board once again for Valky!

I started talking to a friend about crafting. I think in passing, she mentioned she did chainmail. At first, I dismissed it as something I wanted to do because I had tried it a bit a few years back with an instructor, failed at it hardcore after about an hour of trying, and repressed the memory because shploooog it was so hard to do. When my friend said it wasn’t hard, I was like, “Well, I know more about making jewelry in general, so why not try it with what I know now?” bought some cheap jump rings and…

Shplooooog!!!

I had those stupid humongous pliers with these itty bitty rings and I just couldn’t grasp the jump rings to open and close them aaaarg! I had sworn off using jump rings, even in jewelry making – you can close things with head pins and wire and loops and screw chainmail I’ll buy chains if I really want to use one in a design!

“Valk, you need smaller pliers,” my friend says.
“There…are smaller pliers?”

I did the research (once again, with help from my friend) and herpaderp! I had crafting pliers for a year – way too big for anything I wanted to be doing. My loops were huge when I made them, things were hard to grasp, and overall my designing experience was horrible and I feel like that is in part why I gave up so quickly. But now hurray! I got smaller, jewelry pliers – the tips are great, nice and narrow – and now I have gone back to working on chainmail! Mainly because I need smaller gages of wire to do some wire work I want to do, and I have jump rings now. My progress?

I’ve been practicing an hour a day, and at first I wanted to give up. But I told myself – just practice an hour a day. No matter what your progress is the day before, an hour a day isn’t hard to put aside to practice, right? Right! It’s been 3 days now, and I am happy to say it’s been going decently well! I’ve been practicing opening and closing jump rings, then linking them. I went from having a four ring chain, to five in two days! Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s an accomplishment for me and I’ve found myself getting into a rhythm of opening, closing, linking, and closing again to make a chain. Now my next hurdle is uh, not having the chain-in-progress fly out of my hands when I’m trying to close a newly linked ring lolol. Overall though, I’ve been enjoying the process – both the good and bad parts of creating, and it gets me excited to try different wire techniques, and buying more tools! I want to get some mandrels for shaping wire, nylon jaw pliers, a hammer for shaping and texturing wire, wire wire wire…

So yeah, I am hooked on wire work, if that wasn’t apparent! I’m really happy with where I am on my jewelry journey, and am determined to start creating again. I want to buy supplies, materials, and all that jazz gradually so I can truly create what I have always wanted to – which I will talk about later! This post was just supposed to be about my chainmail adventure, woopsy.

What about you? Have you had any hobbies you’ve been determined to do well? Any you just did and didn’t find were for you? Leave a comment and talkity talk about it!

Sailor Moon R Makai Tree arc Viz dub review

April 10th was Viz’s Moonlight Party 3, for a few episodes of Sailor Moon R. I had the pleasure of going – my first one, in fact – and had a blast! I highly recommend doing the next one, it’s fun to be around so many Sailor Moon fans, and hanging out with the Viz crew was a blast. They really interact with the fans via Twitter and Facebook, and it’s just amazing to feel the love for the series all across the world.

After the Moonlight Party, Hulu released the redubs of the first 14 episodes of Sailor Moon R. Aka: The filler arc with Ail and En. I have never liked this arc, like, at all. Dic’s dub was so bad, made the villains soooo annoying. The Senshi getting their power up episodes seemed so forced and blech and had no character development what-so-ever, and I always remember as a kid hating when the Makai Tree arc, or what I remember as “The Doom Tree arc” would air on Cartoon Network. Worst two weeks, ever!

But we’re not here to talk about the Dic dub, this is a review about the redub done by Viz. Honestly, I can’t express how much I adore this dub! Ail and En were really funny characters, with a lot of depth and heart to them not visible in the Dic dub. I have to applaud the voice actors for both of them – They did a wonderful job of being really vicious, and yet really innocent when they weren’t in their alien personas. The episodes where the Senshi got their power ups were really good and developing the characters of the Senshi, instead of just being like “Oh…we need to give them a power up? Ok” I felt the growth from each character.

And, I really, really have to praise how Usagi and Mamoru’s relationship was handled in this. I legit was tearing up in the end when they were reaching for each other – another star moment for me with the voice acting. One thing I really love about this localization is it doesn’t pull any punches: Like, it feels like a straight up Japanese to English translation. Seeing the subs, and hearing the English voice track, it sticks so true to the original and I couldn’t be happier for that. Thank you, Viz for doing a great job with a show so many of us love.

I didn’t like this arc in the Dic dub, but now? I really love it! It’s still not on the tops of my favorite seasons, but it’s redeemed itself with this redub. I highly recommend it!

Chibi-Usa why you so plot hole-y?

http://www.fandompost.com/2015/04/05/first-sailor-moon-r-anime-dub-clip-arrives/

On Tuesday, this new dub clip of Sailor Moon R was released by Viz. The oh-so-iconic first scene of Sailor Moon R, where Chibi-Usa threatens Usagi after falling from the sky into Mamoru’s arms. When Sandy Fox was announced to be playing Chibi-Usa, I knew it would be a perfect fit so this clip just cements that. I mean, typical cute Sandy Fox voice, but she’s always been awesome with it and this clip is no exception.

I’m not going to analyze the voice acting in this clip, however. Seeing this clip and hearing the newly translated lines just made me realize how much of a plot hole Chibi-Usa is for the entirety of this first half of the season. Like, seriously? This clip alone is one giant plot hole! How can she not realize Usagi and Mamoru are her parents? Let’s break this down using this clip, alone:

If visually it didn’t click in Usagi, or Chibi-Usa’s head, shouldn’t Usagi be tipped off by some of this dialogue? “I’m the only one with bunhead hairstyle” Geez Usagi, where do you think she learned this bunhead hair style from? Maybe, her Mother? I’ll give it to her in this early stage of their relationship: She was shocked at this girl just popping out of thin air literally, and may have just been like da hell this girl is antagonizing me get her outta here! But when she starts asking for the Silver Crystal?

Point 2! Chibi-Usa knows her Mother in the future is the only one with the Silver Crystal. She knows this because she took the darn thing from her secret chambers! So why does she not connect the dots when with Usagi she instantly demands the Silver Crystal? Even if she didn’t know her Mother was Sailor Moon in her youth, didn’t know the brooch was something that she previously would have owned, shouldn’t she be at least a teeny bit smart enough to realize that if she’s demanding the Silver Crystal from this girl, she may be her Mother?

I’ve always had this theory that the reason why Pluto threw Chibi-Usa into Mamoru and Usagi’s laps is because she knew that it would be easy for her to get the Crystal, and come back quickly. I don’t think Pluto would tell Chibi-Usa this, but considering her age (if we’re going by the manga, which is the only definitive age we get for her, she’s 400) she should have the deduction skills to put this parentage puzzle together. She landed in Tokyo, she’s from Neo-Tokyo. Her Mother has buns that she admired enough to copy, and the only real difference between Usagi and Neo-Queen Serenity is a minor height difference, and more mature features. Don’t get me started on when She sees Tuxedo Kamen! Endymion wears the exact darn outfit in the future! Does not wearing a top hat and changing your suit color an identity mystery make?

No!

I love this show, don’t get me wrong. But there are just some plot holes in it that drive me insane. The Senshi’s identities being a mystery you can explain away with glamor magic, but this? It may be because I just dislike Chibi-Usa until Super S, but I really, really don’t get why her, and Usagi, are both so stupid when it comes to proper deduction skills. Chibi-Usa should have realized who her parents were by the end of this scene alone, and Usagi should have been able to connect the dots pretty early on.

Plot holeeee. Love ya Sailor Moon, but I can only take so many plot holes! The fanfiction community can only explain away so much!

Though…hrmmm. Chibi-Usa could have glamor magic, too? But those buns still are visible to Usagi and Mamoru obviously, so if you’re going to go into the future to demand a Legendary Crystal, why not change your hair style? But then if she didn’t think her Mother would be there, knowing she’s the only other one with that hair style, she’d keep her hair that way…but then if she saw Usagi with the same hair, wouldn’t she assume she’s her Mother in the past, since she knows she just time travelled? But then…ugh, see! When you have a plot hole this big, you just go round and round in circles trying to make sense of it! It’s so frustrating!

I…I need to step away from this topic, methinks. It’s…it’s just…to much…

Obsessively Obsessed: Steven Universe

It’s inevitable when you’re a nerd, isn’t it? You either get recommended some show, or game, or TCG or book and you just can’t get enough of it. Or, you watched something as a kid, never stopped loving it, or started watching it again when you were an adult. I know when I’m stressed, I go back to watching Sailor Moon – in fact, about time I whipped out my Viz DVDs for some quality time with my girls. That’s the thing, too, if you love a show or game that much, it becomes a part of you, and you are glad for it. When you truly love something, like, to the point where you can’t get enough of it, eat, drink, and sleep that thing, research plot points and characters after finishing the show only to see new facets of the characters, re-watch, and go “Aha! That’s when that turning point happened” that, my loves, is when you are what I like to call obsessively obsessed.

Do you regret being this into your shows?

Nope!

I seriously hope I’m not the only one who does this, but when I start watching a show I love, I get super, super into it if I like it. Like, it’s peeling an onion, and no matter how many times you go back to the show, any media concerning the show, or re-watch the show, it’s forever enjoyable. This is what Sailor moon is to me, and as of right now, another show has entered the ranks of obsessively obsessed.

That show is…

Steven Universe AHHHHH!

I’ll admit, didn’t like this show at all when I first watched it awhile back : I thought it was weird, and didn’t quite get the characters and plot because it seemed to just throw you into the middle of a story. I’m usually not a fan of reverse-narration. I like seeing the story from beginning to end, some flashbacks thrown in there, you know the drill. But after reading on my Facebook feed that Steven Universe is awesome and takes a really dark turn later on, followed by some friends saying they watched the first season fully and loved it, I decided to give it another try. So after a week of marathonning the show with said friends AHHHHHH!

I haven’t watched such a heartfelt, intricately-woven storyline that can both leave you laughing out loud and balling your eyes out in the same episode. I’ve never seen such a fun-loveing character have so much weight and depth to them, and be so perfectly written. I’ve never loved each, and every character, supporting, minor, or incidental, no matter what role they play. Sure, you dislike some characters, but not because they are poorly written or a cliché. More because, if you met that character in real life, you wouldn’t be friends with them, but you still understand where their coming from. Even if you don’t like a character from the get go, they grow on you, or they grow developmentally so that you like who they’ve become. And honestly? I’m shocked that this sort of care and depth has been brought to a cartoon that not only isn’t anime, but that is on Cartoon Network!

When I was A kid, we had these types of shows on Cartoon Network, and Nickelodeon. I’m a 90s Nick gal, and grew up with the good Doug and Rugrats and what I like to call the golden era of cartoons. Around the mid 2000s, I stopped watching both Nick and CN, because the cartoons just weren’t what they used to be. But now? Steven Universe has me hooked. I freaking adore this show, could write entire novels about its glory, will be dissecting the characters (Crystal Gems are so amazing!) and will continue to be an avid watcher of this show I love so much.

Oh, and I forgot: The music is amazing! How did I forget that? I should slap myself!

I could say so, so much more about the glory that is this show, but alas, I must get my thought’s in order to do so. Right now I’m still in the mind-boggled ayaaaa this show is amazing asdfdsa phase of being obsessively obsessed XD

I will be doing a series of posts on this show, definitely. Like I said above, I want to do a character study on each of the main characters – aka, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, and Steven!. I’m a writer, so character development, and really analyzing motives of a well-written character, is something I love to do in my free time. If you like reading fan theories and adding them to your fandom base, then stick around!

Posting Schedule

In part because I don’t want to have any of you guys reading being like “Whaaa where are posts!” and in part because if this schedule is out there, instead of just in my head, I will be less likely to not stay dedicated to updating this snizzy. So in short, scheduling ftw!

For now, I plan to post twice a week: Tuesday and Thursday. Because I like days with T’s in them apparently! But no, seriously, I have a lot of other projects I work on during the week (which I will definitely be sharing here, as well!) and Tuesday and Thursday are my free days currently.

So yeah, watch out for posts twice a week! Thanks for reading!

The Curse of Perfectionism

Because let’s face it: It really is a curse. I don’t know how it is for you others who want to outdo yourselves, but for me I have a certain, tried and true scenario that goes through my head every time I want to try something new. It goes like this:

“Oh, hey Valk! Wouldn’t it be awesome if you actually stopped researching all of this info on jewelry making, and just like, ya know, made some jewelry?”
“Wh-what? Haha! I need to know everything about every tool in existence before I do that! Then there’s wire, and beads, and-“
“You do realize you’re not going to do all of that at once, don’t you?”
“But I will one day! And besides, when I start something, I have to be the best at it!”
“Don’t you think you’ll make mistakes?”
“Mistakes are for suckas! And if I just make a mistake, I’ll redo it over and over and over again until my fingers bleed, and the piece looks amazing!”
“…”

So Perfectionist Valk ignores common sense, Mistakes-are-ok-to-make Valk, buys all of the supplies, or tech, or whatever and…

“Aruuuug.”
“What is it?”
“This sucks! Don’t you see?”
“No, not really. It looks fine.”
“The loops are all too big and the necklace tilts slightly to the left! I have to take it apart and do it all over again!”
“Uuuum, I’m just gonna stand over here.”

And so the cycle continues, over, and over, and over…

Until I give up. I’ve spent all this time and effort on something that I actually enjoyed doing, and then when I find one tiny thing that isn’t right with it, shove it to the far far away places in my room that only the occasional dust bunny occupies.

Can I just say, how freaking terrible this curse is? I hate it! One of my goals in 2015 is to slap Perfectionist Valk in the face and tell her “Stop thinking so hard about this and just do it!” it’s such a stifling grip on my life that it reaches to the tiniest thing. Heck, even starting this blog I had that battle in my head! Every time I do a cover? I do so many takes, think they all suck, then go back to find that hey, all of them aren’t that bad…and most of them sound pretty much, exactly the same. So why are there ten of them?

Because Perfectionist Valk is an idiot!

“Ow, harsh.”

Ok, I won’t go that far but…ugh how to put it into words? Honestly, I’ve had this epiphany about myself: Perfectionism is really just boiled down to this one thing, fear. You want everything to be so perfect, so pristine and polished, that you pick something apart until you think it’s as horrific as…something really freaky I can’t think of right now. When you’re a perfectionist, you’re afraid to let anyone see your flaws, your cracks, any part of you that you think is broken. You don’t want people to see your mistakes (because let’s face it, you’re making them) so you hide everything away you think could moderately paint you in a bad light, no matter how small.

It’s fear, plain and simple. And it’s terrible. How do you fight this curse, though? Unfortunately this isn’t Hogwarts, and the wands I have access to don’t cast any anti-perfectionism charms…I don’t think.

But,what I am doing to combat this fungus I despise is…

Fighting through the fear. AHHHH!

I’m not gonna lie – this is a work in progress for me, and it frightens me out of my mind just even thinking of posting anything I don’t deem “Perfect”. I’ve used perfectionism as a shield my entire life, and it’s held me back in ways I can’t even describe both with my career and personal life. 2015 is a year I really want to make changes in, so for now I’m just throwing myself into things I’ve been wanting to do for ages (like blogging, oh hey!) and trying to not harp on the things that I do so much.

How has it been working for me so far? I mixed a song the other day and only attempted to redo it twice, instead of trying to remix it like seven times! And I picked up my jewelry supplies a few days ago and messed with some new techniques. I’m practicing them right now so I can implement them in designs! I’ve narrowed down the jewelry techniques I want to use to design stuff, instead of just trying to do every technique under the sun. I looked at some pieces I did a year or so ago and am actually thinking of posting pictures of them somewhere to places that aren’t a facebook album I can shove somewhere hidden on my profile! And well, the biggest step I think, is this blog. I’ve wanted to have one for a really long time where I can just talk about my life and hobbies,, and here we are! So I’d say for now, just pushing through my fears is working. And it does get easier as you continue doing it!

What about you? Do you suffer from this rawrgsome curse? How do you cope with it if you do?